Tulo Era Complete…Here’s Something Neat

July 30, 2015

I have literally hundreds of thousands of Rockies pictures. Some good, some crap. I realize that not every Rockies Fan disliked Troy Tulowitzki. In fact most fans that have never had an interaction with him considered him the bee’s knees..

Translation for Millennials: Bee’s Knees = A old school term that means cool. (I’m here for ya).

bees knees best

bees-knees frisbee

keep-calm-and-be-the-bees-knees (1)Anyways….

For “those” baseball fans I wanted to do a tribute to “The Deuce” over the years from my secret stash.

Troy 1.1

Tulo over the years in no specific order.

3-tulo-throw-pregame-5-5-12 (1) 17tulo-throw-5-1-12 (1) 39-nelson-scutaro-tulo-5-1-12 Tulo mustache troy-tulowitzki-6-11-11 tulo-5-16-12 tulo20and20the20umpire208-15-10-thumb-550x552-2352531 tulo-bat-4-27-12 tulo-black-streak-on-the-ball-5-28-11 tulo-high-5-helton-5-28-111 tulo-hit-4-27-12 tulo-hit-4-28-12 (1) tulo-home-run-series-2-6-10-11 (1) tulo-home-run-series-3-6-10-11 tulo-home-run-series-6-10-11 tulo-jump-5-18-12 tulo-not-gonna-make-it-2-4-28-12 tulo-od-14 tulo-run-3-17-12 tulo-signing-3-20-12 tulo-silver-slugger-11 tulo-stcb



Troy 5

Troy 7 Troy 8 Troy 1 Troy 2 Troy 3 Troy 13 Troy 14 Troy 15 Troy 10 Troy 11 Troy 12

Like my lil girl always says…

If you gotta pick one…At least pick a winner.

Troy 9

This officially closes the Tulo era.

I’m Miles Long and I am “The Ranter

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The Book on How To Be a Canook…Tips for Tulo in Canada


I figured since Tulo will now be residing in Canada I might be able to give him a few tips on Canada to smooth out his transition into the Great White North. I do things like this because I care 🙂

The Urban dictionary defines Canook as: 

A Canadian. also known as North American’s less trigger happy half.
One who drinks real beer, rules at hockey, invented both basketball and baseball and insists on wearing a Canadian flag while traveling abroad so that someone doesn’t mistake them for an American.
 The excessive use of the word “eh” is just so they know you’re paying attention.
Baseball may be America’s pastime but it’s not in Canada.
Hockey is King in Canada.
Baseball is watched only when:
There is no possible farming that can be done of any sort.
Someone is home sick.
ATV is in the shop.
Trailer Park Boys are showing re-runs.
Local restaurant runs out of Gravy for the French Fries.
The VCR is broke 🙂
Zed may be dead.
zeds dead
But not in Canada, the letter Z is pronounced Zed. So that being what it is.
Below is a Camaro Zed 28.
Famous Canadian Bands Americans should know.
Bachman-Turner Overdrive
April Wine
Our Lady Peace
Neil Young and Crazy Horse
Bryan Adams
Barenaked Ladies
Crash Test Dummies
These two fellas are Canadian Ambassadors.
bob and doug
They offer helpful advice if you’re not sure you’re a Hoser.
are you a hoser
Yes Justin Beiber is from Canada.


However, they pawned him off to the US years ago and now Canada just don’t want him back.

Here’s a helpful tip if your’re at the Stadium and a Canadian offers you a taste of their wiener.


hot dog

They’re just offering you a bite of their hot dog.

Knit caps or beanies will now be known as a “Toques”

canada toque

Forget that you ever called these sneakers.

canadian sneakers

From now on they will be known as runners.

One mile is approximately .6 kilometers.

Americans call these stickers or decals. In Canada decal is pronounced “Deckel”.


Canadians have a dollar coin called the loonie.


You can also alter their 5 dollar bill.

canadian bill

And give it a groovy Star Trek theme.

canadian spock

You can party a little harder because Canadians live longer than Americans.canada_lifespan

Canada has a Prime Minister not a President. 
Canadians have a highway not freeway.
Canadians spell it laboUr, honoUr, coloUr (with a “u”)
Canadians are in Grade 12 not in the 12th Grade
When Canadians go overseas they insist that they are not American when people hear their accent.
Everything is labelled in French and English.

The two best candy bars are:

Coffee Crisp

coffee-crisp-130898-im - Copy

And Mr. Big

mr big - CopyHistorically, Canada’s biggest shopping day of the year is Boxing Day. Imagine Black Friday, but with thousands of people returning disappointing gifts.

shitty gift

“Boxing Day is traditionally the day following Christmas Day, when servants and tradesmen would receive gifts from their superiors or employers, known as a “Christmas box”. Today, Boxing Day is better known as a bank or public holiday that occurs on 26 December, or the first or second weekday after Christmas Day, depending on national or regional laws.

I can’t help you with everything Tulo but remember this, Canadians are nice people. Make yourself available to them. Realize the game of baseball is bigger than you and your ego. Interact with your fans because their memories last a lifetime and like it or not you are an Ambassador for Baseball every time you step out of your home.
With these tips and some attitude adjustment  you might just make it in Canada.
Miles Long here…I am “The Ranter”
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Have You Heard?…Tulo’s A Bird


Rantics….Sorry for the new blog name.

WordPress wanted $300 bucks for me to be allowed to continue blogging under the Rockpile Rant because I have so many pictures uploaded. F…that.

Alternate Titles For This Blog Entry:

I got a Feel’n…It’s Time for Some Heal’n.

 Deuce is Finally Cut Loose.

Oh Boy…They Got Rid of Troy

Clap Clap Clap Clap Clap…Clap Clap Clap…So Long!

tulo tounge

For those of you who don’t know who I am. Where the hell have you been?

I’m “D” the Ranter aka the “Rockpile Ranter” aka Miles Long (on Facebook).

I was blogging before blogging was cool.

ranter and Helmer

I am the ultimate fan MLBlogger and I’m here to prove that you can be a successful blogger without a press pass or kiss’n ass.

I do not claim to be a baseball genius. I am simply a baseball fan.

I make my own rules and I tell you like it is without fear of repercussion or loss of press privledges.

The deal is real here…and will always be. 

I couldn’t sleep last night but it was that good kind of not being able to sleep.

Just before bed I heard the news that Tulo got traded. I haven’t blogged a word since the beginning of last season and today I couldn’t focus at work. All I could think of was getting home and blogging about this.


There was a time not so long ago when Hunter and I were big Tulo fans.

Tulo and Ranter

There may even be evidence out there of me sport’n a Tulo jersey at one time.

Needless to say times change and baseball players change.

My story starts off in 2008 with my first visit to Rockies Spring Training in Tucson. I was an eager young Ranter and a newbie to the spring training scene. I found myself out wandering the back fields of Hi-Corbet field, enjoying the beautiful weather and trying to figure out how things work down there.

To this day I do not enjoy asking players for autographs, however I do enjoy possessing them. So lucky for me the fun of collecting them was more powerful than my fear of walking up to a player and asking him to sign a piece of memorabilia.

I’ve never written about this before because at the time it never really hit me. I feel like the “douche seed” was planted in Tulo long before my first experience with him. While at Hi-Corbet I caught up with Tulo as he was walking in between practice fields and asked if he’d please sign my baseball. It was a tore up practice ball given to me by Usher “Bob” in 2007. It was a batting practice home run Tulo hit towards the end of the 2007 season that landed in the first row of the pavilion.

Bob tossed it to me and it was my first official baseball ever obtained at a Rockies game. Tulo looked at the ball, then looked at me and asked “Why do you want this beat up old ball signed?” I replied “it was a BP homer hit by you. He looked at me confused, then halfheartedly signed the ball, heaved it at me and took off.

I feel like this could have been the early seeds of douchieness. I was just too dumbfounded to realize it at the time.

Seconds later Helton walked by, chatted with me for a few seconds, signed my ball and a few other folks memorabilia and was off himself. Class Act.

My future interactions with Tulo never improved. Tulo deal is he shy’s away from eye contact when interacting with fans. His body language suggests that he doesn’t care for fan interaction and he especially dislikes interacting with adults fans. Signing autographs, Rockies Fest, as well as communicating with his fan base was a chore for Tulo.

I never understood that.

Maybe if Tulo had come out long ago and said, “Hey I have an anxiety thing and it’s difficult for me to interact with people”.

 Things could have been different. I get something like that. A lot of us have anxiety issues to a point. However, no such confession from the Rockies short stop..

I stopped going to Rockies picture day because all my kids ever wanted was a picture with Tulo and for three years straight Tulo walked right by my smiling kids who were patiently waiting for him. He could have taken just a second and made a few little Rockies fans day but…..he chose not to.

Just as I could choose to write something positive about the Deuce leaving Colorado but….I choose not to.

How could you walk right past these smiling faces?

H and M

Here’s a perfect example of Tulo being Tulo.

It’s a blog entry written on June 7, 2012 by my friend and fellow Rockies MLBlogger the Rox Addict.

It’s titled…The Deuce strikes again. As I said this is Classic Tulo. Click on the link and take a quick read.

I believe that Tulo was a cancer in Rockies locker room. I don’t believe he’s a leader in any way shape or form. I believe he’s about himself and his legacy and he’s not a player that other players can easily look up to. He’s not loyal to his team, and he semi-stabbed Helton in the back with his comments about not wanting to play for a losing team for his entire career.

Quote from Tulo:

 “In Todd Helton, there’s someone who’s easy to look at his career here and how it played out. I have the utmost respect for Todd, but at the same time, I don’t want to be the next in line as somebody who was here for a long time and didn’t have a chance to win every single year,” said Tulowitzki, reviewing the 17 years Helton spent as the face of a franchise that never won a division title. “He played in a couple postseason games and went to one World Series. But that’s not me. I want to be somewhere where there’s a chance to be in the playoffs every single year.”

My thought when I read that was…This coming from a P/T player??…Step up Deuce and lead the way, but…he didn’t.

When you looked at his body language/demeanor the last couple years on the field he looked like he dreaded being there.

Then there was the Yankees incident last year when he was on the DL.

tulo at yanks gameThat was a Douche move. Serious Douche move.

I’ve had some bad interactions with players before, but to my recollection never twice with the same player. I honestly cannot think of one good experience/interaction I’ve ever had with Tulo. I’m not basing my opinion of Tulo on one or two autograph denials. Autograph collectors get that all the time. My opinion is based off of years of interactions with him be it somewhere outside of Coors, Rockies Fest, Picture day, or Spring Training which I’ve attended for eight consecutive years.

I am elated for the Tulo trade. Honestly if the Rockies had traded him for nothing I’d have been ok with that as well. He needed to go. The last few years Tulo would flip-flop on whether he wanted to be traded or not. For a team to succeed You cannot have a star player who is thinking like that around a team that has aspirations of anything successful.

As I mentioned earlier that’s a cancer and it needs to be removed.

Is Tulo leaving going to fix the Rockies?…No, not right away. More deals need to be made and a new atmosphere needs to develop post-Tulo. I’m excited for this.

What about Cargo? I believe he will be traded as well. I like Cargo a lot. His recent hot-streak has brought his name back into the mix and possibly upped his value a bit. I’ll miss Cargo, he appreciated his fan base.

I needed to write this entry. I tend bash Tulo a lot and figured an explanation of sorts is in order. I have always respected Tulo’s skills when he was healthy. For me it’s his character, locker room presence and treatment towards loyal fans that I’ve grown to dislike over the years.

Props to Dick for getting this right albeit several years late.


So in closing….I’m sending “the Deuce” off with a Bird he can take with him from the  #1 Rockies MLBlogger.

Ranter fu

Enjoy the Poutine 🙂 


I’m Miles Long the “Ranter”. 

I’d like to personally thank Tulo for the inspiration to get back on a keyboard.

Good Luck Toronto…He’s your headcase now.

Previous Rockpile Rant entries can be located here: RockpileRant.com