The Book on How To Be a Canook…Tips for Tulo in Canada

7/29/2015

I figured since Tulo will now be residing in Canada I might be able to give him a few tips on Canada to smooth out his transition into the Great White North. I do things like this because I care 🙂

The Urban dictionary defines Canook as: 

A Canadian. also known as North American’s less trigger happy half.
One who drinks real beer, rules at hockey, invented both basketball and baseball and insists on wearing a Canadian flag while traveling abroad so that someone doesn’t mistake them for an American.
 The excessive use of the word “eh” is just so they know you’re paying attention.
not_paying_attention_small
Baseball may be America’s pastime but it’s not in Canada.
Hockey is King in Canada.
Baseball is watched only when:
There is no possible farming that can be done of any sort.
Someone is home sick.
ATV is in the shop.
Trailer Park Boys are showing re-runs.
Local restaurant runs out of Gravy for the French Fries.
The VCR is broke 🙂
Zed may be dead.
zeds dead
But not in Canada, the letter Z is pronounced Zed. So that being what it is.
Below is a Camaro Zed 28.
z28
Famous Canadian Bands Americans should know.
Rush
Loverboy
Bachman-Turner Overdrive
April Wine
Nickelback
Our Lady Peace
Neil Young and Crazy Horse
Bryan Adams
Chilliwack
Triumph
Barenaked Ladies
Steppenwolf
Prism
Trooper
Crash Test Dummies
These two fellas are Canadian Ambassadors.
bob and doug
They offer helpful advice if you’re not sure you’re a Hoser.
are you a hoser
Yes Justin Beiber is from Canada.
)

)

However, they pawned him off to the US years ago and now Canada just don’t want him back.

Here’s a helpful tip if your’re at the Stadium and a Canadian offers you a taste of their wiener.

Do Not Be OFFENDED.

hot dog

They’re just offering you a bite of their hot dog.

Knit caps or beanies will now be known as a “Toques”

canada toque

Forget that you ever called these sneakers.

canadian sneakers

From now on they will be known as runners.

One mile is approximately .6 kilometers.

Americans call these stickers or decals. In Canada decal is pronounced “Deckel”.

decals

Canadians have a dollar coin called the loonie.

loonie

You can also alter their 5 dollar bill.

canadian bill

And give it a groovy Star Trek theme.

canadian spock

You can party a little harder because Canadians live longer than Americans.canada_lifespan

Canada has a Prime Minister not a President. 
Canadians have a highway not freeway.
Canadians spell it laboUr, honoUr, coloUr (with a “u”)
Canadians are in Grade 12 not in the 12th Grade
When Canadians go overseas they insist that they are not American when people hear their accent.
Everything is labelled in French and English.

The two best candy bars are:

Coffee Crisp

coffee-crisp-130898-im - Copy

And Mr. Big

mr big - CopyHistorically, Canada’s biggest shopping day of the year is Boxing Day. Imagine Black Friday, but with thousands of people returning disappointing gifts.

shitty gift

“Boxing Day is traditionally the day following Christmas Day, when servants and tradesmen would receive gifts from their superiors or employers, known as a “Christmas box”. Today, Boxing Day is better known as a bank or public holiday that occurs on 26 December, or the first or second weekday after Christmas Day, depending on national or regional laws.


I can’t help you with everything Tulo but remember this, Canadians are nice people. Make yourself available to them. Realize the game of baseball is bigger than you and your ego. Interact with your fans because their memories last a lifetime and like it or not you are an Ambassador for Baseball every time you step out of your home.
With these tips and some attitude adjustment  you might just make it in Canada.
Miles Long here…I am “The Ranter”
RPR logo 1
Advertisements

3 comments

  1. Pingback: The Book on How to Be a Canook…Helpful Tips for Tulo « Rockpile Rant

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s